The abused merchant’s daughter – 51 | Sousaku – 創作

Chapter 2, Episode 5: Living like in a dream

"Farne-sama!! Is it time to go to bed? Bedtime? "

Since then, I have studied with Farne-sama, gone for walks, and eaten lunch.
Usually, when I'm with Farne-sama, I'm so happy it feels like time flies by, but today, time just doesn't seem to be passing at all. It's finally nighttime.
I asked after we've finished eating dinner.

"You haven't had a bath yet, have you? "

And he asked back with a bemused look.
"That's right! Can I go to bed after taking a bath? "

"I know you're looking forward to it, but if you go to bed too early, you'll wake up in the middle of the night."

He said, smiled, and wiped the ketchup from my mouth with a handkerchief.
By now I should have gotten pretty good at using a knife, but I still managed to make a mess of it.

"I don't want that. I don't want to wake up and be lonely."

If I wake up at night, Farne-sama won't be there, and I'll be lonely.
I wish Farne-sama would sleep next to me like before.

He said “You're old enough now,” so I started sleeping in another room.
I don't like it very much because at my age I have to be away from Farne-sama a lot.
If only I wasn't of an adult age.
I liked having Farne-sama's beautiful face close to me when I woke up.
His shiny blue hair was so beautiful.

"After you get out of the bath, let's read a picture book and then go to sleep.
Let's go out early in the morning tomorrow."

Farne-sama's smile as she said this and looked at me was so kind that I nodded my head happily.

It's like a dream. It's like a dream. I can experience the world of the picture book.
I'm in a much happier world than the one I imagined when I was locked up.
Looking at the town from a horse-drawn carriage.
Shopping at a bookstore dressed as a commoner.
Going to a nice restaurant with Farne-sama.

A long time ago, when my mom and dad were still alive.
Somehow, the life I vaguely remember feels like being left behind.

Now.
I kind of understand why Farne-sama wanted to erase my memories.

I've been going around the city, studying, and reading books from the library.
I realized that normal kids didn't live the kind of life I did.
Even the children referred to as slaves are guaranteed a minimum standard of living, and violence is prohibited.

I was being treated especially cruelly. By Sharla and my uncle and aunt.

That's why sometimes I feel like crying.
I wondered why they were being so mean to me.
I wonder if I would have been able to live happily if my mom and dad were still alive.
I wonder if I would have been able to play outside and make normal human friends.
When I see children playing from the carriage, my heart feels like it's going to be squeezed, and I feel so much pain that I can't breathe. Sometimes I wake up from a dream where I'm being tormented.
My 10 years in confinement won't come back.
Days of just enduring the pain.
Even if I keep asking for them, they'll never be back.

I think Farne-sama is smart.
I believe he knew this would happen.
If I lived a happy life, the fact that I was locked up would make me feel even more sad and painful.

But. Even so.
I didn't want to lose my memories.

The memories I can't remember with my mom and dad.
I know they're important people, but I can't remember them well, and my feelings for them are becoming hazy.

If I lose my memories, I won't be able to remember my time with Farne-sama, and my feelings for Farne-sama will become hazy.
I don't want that.
Because it would be more painful for me to not be able to remember my parents than it is to remember the painful memories I experienced.
Sometimes I get lonely in the middle of the night and start to cry.
Therefore, in such cases, I follow my mom's instructions and smile.

But even so, is Sonia a bad girl because sometimes I can't remember them? I feel uneasy about this.

That's why I won't forget anything.
My precious, precious memories with Farne-sama.
Sonia might be gone, but I'll make sure to protect Riese's memories.

Farne-sama said that I should be happy for all the hard times I've been through.
I try not to cry or think about painful memories.
I just shut my eyes to everything I didn't like and pushed it all inside. I'll make it so that it doesn't come out.

Because I'm so happy right now.
It's like a dream to be able to go to the Harvest Festival with my beloved Farne-sama.
I wonder what kind of place it is?

After getting out of the bath, putting on my clothes, and going to my room, Farne-sama would sing me a lullaby.
I always fall asleep listening to this on a fluffy, soft bed.
Farne-sama, I'm looking forward to tomorrow! And then I went to sleep after saying that.

It really is like a dream.

Mama, Papa. And Patricia, thank you.
Sonia is very happy so don't worry.

As I lay back on the fluffy bed and listened to Farne-sama's kind and beautiful voice, I thought about tomorrow's parade. All the while basking in this blissful feeling.